After the Fire
by Inanna
Summary: A songfic. In a word -- bleak. Deals with character death. 1x2 relationship observed by Hilde. Is Peace and War cyclical? 25 years after Endless Waltz, some realize that After the Fire, the Fire still Burns, the heart grows older, but never, ever lea


After the Fire by Inanna  
  
I do not own Gundam Wing, insert all other legal disclaimers, etc., here  
  
"After the Fire" by Roger Daltrey, from the Album Under the Raging Moon, copyright   
1985, WEA/Atlantic records  
  
  
Author's note --- oniisan = big brother  
  
  
  
Hilde neatly tucked the flowers into the vase of Heero's crypt. It had been   
five years since he went away. When he left them, everything, all the peace they had   
all worked so hard for, began to break away, starting from its delicate foundations and   
traveling outward across Earth and the colonies. The hatred and prejudices never really   
went away. They had been suppressed, disguised, but not gone. Whispered about in   
small dark corners, the embers smoldering, but never turned to ashes.  
"Never dead, just beneath the surface," Hilde mused. Her long missing leg   
itched and she scratched the artificial one absentmindedly. What a long peace it had   
been though, she thought. Almost twenty-five years, likely the longest peace in known   
history.  
She looked at the crypt again and ran her hand over the brass placard lovingly.   
Five years. After Colony 219. He had been family for her. And for Duo. Oh God,   
poor Duo. The firebomb should have killed him that day. It would have been a   
kindness. That day when he was maimed and Heero assassinated. He was dying   
slowly, so painfully slow. It tore Hilde up so much that she told him that she couldn't   
stand seeing what he doing to himself. He passively acquiesced, selling her his share   
of their salvage business and retiring to a small house up near the Sea of Serenity. She   
would be going there after this to see how he was doing. She silently hoped that she   
would not have to stay too long with him and then steeled herself for the pang of guilt   
that followed.  
She whispered a prayer like she did every year for the lovers, hoping that   
Heero would come for Duo soon and end his sorrow. The prayer held both the   
bitterness and truth of survival as well as the love that never died.  
"After the Fire, the fire still burns. The heart grows older, but never, ever   
learns. The memories smolder but soul always yearns. After the Fire, the fire still   
burns." She placed a kiss on the placard. She was crying. Angrily, she smudged the   
tears from her cheek.  
"He misses you so much, Heero. Please, please, come take him away from all   
this pain. If you can hear my prayer, oniisan, please." She turn and walked briskly out   
of the cemetery and to her aircar.  
Her mind wander as it always did going to Duo's house. The white sands   
stretched out endless before her. Her mind wandered to the day that she could still   
remember so vividly.  
  
  
Heero kissed Eva on the top of her head as Hilde fixed breakfast. The little   
girl smiled up at him as he squatted down next to her. Crayons were strewn across the   
table and the tablecloth was buried under stacks of manila paper.  
"What are you drawing, honey?"  
"My two daddies and my mommy," the little girl said in a matter of fact   
manner. "Do you think I got your hair right, Daddy?"  
"I don't know, Eva, do you really think I have that much hair?"  
"That's what Papa always says. He says you've got a mop on your head. I   
don't think so, though."  
"Oh, and why do you say that?" he asked her seriously.  
"Cause mops are white and stringy. Your hair is more like having a cat on   
your head all the time, thick and furry."  
Hilde tried to suppress her laugh, but it came out in a snort of laughter. She   
looked over at Heero, who looked at his daughter to her in mock sternness. She could   
see his eyes twinkling with laughter.  
"Would you like to play with me outside after breakfast?" Heero asked her.   
Eva's face lit up like the sun.  
"Can I, Momma? Pretty please?" Eva turned her pleading eyes to Hilde.  
"I'd never deny you your favorite pastime, sweetheart, but only for a little bit,   
remember we are going to the park in a while and Daddy has a meeting to go to with   
Aunt Relena."  
"Ok," the girl replied cheerily.  
"I take it Duo is still asleep?" Hilde asked as Heero took out a bowl for cereal.  
"Yeah, I figure we should let him sleep for another hour. He didn't get into   
bed until after two, I never realized monthly inventory could take so long."  
Heero sat down at the table next to his daughter, talking to her in soft tones.   
Biologically, Eva was Duo and Hilde's child. After so many years, Hilde began to feel   
that biological clock of hers ticking, so she asked her long time partner if he would like   
to be a father, through artificial insemination, of course. She laughed when Duo   
visibly relaxed after she mentioned the artificial insemination. Though, after the birth,   
it was Heero that took the girl to heart. Hilde believed that Duo never really had eyes   
for anyone besides Heero, not even his daughter. To make Heero happy, Duo had   
suggested Hilde and Eva move in with them. Instead of balking, which Duo assumed   
she would, Hilde took them up on the offer.  
"It would be good to have a father figure or two in her life," she told him.   
Heero was ecstatic, but Duo grumbled about it a bit at first. Eventually he did warm up   
to them being there. Only the annoying habit of Duo referring to Eva as "The   
Gremlin", a nickname that he picked for her out of irritation shortly after her birth,   
remained.  
"Be careful outside now, Eva. Don't play too loud, Papa is still sleeping and   
you know how cranky he gets if he's waken up without his full six hours of sleep."  
"I will Momma," the girl chimed.  
"I promise too, Mom," Heero replied with a smile. Hilde gave him a sardonic   
smile in return.  
  
  
Hilde rounded the huge crater that was referred to as the Sea of Serenity. She   
had remember at some point a voice musing while she lay comatose in the hospital   
afterward.  
"Such a sin, such a tragedy, what happens after the fire. . ." The voice had   
trailed off. Want to know what happens after the fire, Hilde thought bitterly. This!   
This is what happens after the fire! A dead daughter, a dead father, and a friend who is   
all but dead! No matter how she fought it, Hilde couldn't beat off the images that filled   
her mind.  
  
  
She had just looked out the window, watching Heero and Eva chase one   
another about the yard. Eva let out a loud squeal. She looked up at Hilde standing in   
the window. Hilde placed a finger to her lips. The girl frowned, but nodded her head.  
Hilde walked back over to the stove and was moving the morning's pots and   
pans when she heard the window glass shatter. She turned and saw the liquid of the   
glass detonator slosh back and forth as the bomb came to a sliding halt on the kitchen   
table. Instinctively, she began to turn and screamed for Eva. Then everything turned   
into a wall of fire and she felt a giant reaching down and cuffing her against and   
through the close door behind her. She could hear the scream of an aircar pulling away   
from the house at high speed. There was a loud pop and she could hear Eva crying out   
in terror and then the cry ending abruptly with another loud pop. The air stunk of burnt   
hair, flesh and muscle.  
"Eva! Eva!" she gasped out. There was a tremendous buzzing sound in her   
ears and everything appeared like it was riding on a vast rolling ocean. She tried to   
pull herself up, but leg burned in incredible pain. She stifled a scream. Glancing at it;   
as she was about to heave herself along, she stopped in shock. The pan that she had   
been holding had exploded into shrapnel. A small portion of the metal still attached to   
the handle embedded itself into her thigh. From the angle that she was laying, she   
could tell that the leg had been almost blown off completely. The walls above her   
burned and she could feel its intense warmth on the side of her neck and part of her   
face. She again tried to lurch forward and was greeted with vertigo so intense that she   
retched. The walls were crushing down in on her, turning to black and sucking the air   
from her lungs. In the distance she could hear someone calling to her in desperation.  
"Hilde! Hilde! Oh my God!" A moment of deafening silence. Wufei!" A   
spasmodic cough. "Wufei! She's in here! Help me! Help me!"  
  
  
It was decided that the memorial service would be held after Duo and Hilde   
were released from the hospital. There had also been wide spread rioting since the   
assassination. The Preventers thought it best for things to calm down and have a well-  
planned security around the event. Still Hilde could see the heat in the people's eyes.   
Nothing had died, it only smoldered.  
Wufei picked her up out of the car, walked her into the church, and placed her   
down in the pew with a gentleness that surprised Hilde. She did not show it, though.   
Both he and Sally still had bandaged arms and hands from being burnt rescuing her.   
She reached up suddenly and traced a finger across where Wufei's eyebrows had been.   
He looked at her in surprise.  
"I don't know if they'll ever grow back, Wufei. I'm sorry," she whispered.   
She could feel the tears running down her cheek. That surprised her, she thought she   
was all cried out, that she had no tears left, but now her cheek burned with them.  
"It's all right," he whispered as he brushed her tears away. He reached back   
and clasped Sally's hand and slid into the pew past her. Hilde pulled down the scarf   
that covered what was left of her hair and the gigantic patches that covered her head,   
neck, and face. Someone gasped involuntarily and she felt Wufei stiffen as he sat   
down.  
"It's all right, Wufei," she whispered softly. Her friends had been there when   
they had removed the bandages. Relena, Sally, Wufei, Trowa, and Quatre. Dear   
Quatre. He had leaned over and kissed her forehead.  
"You are still the same beautiful Hilde to us. This changes nothing."  
So Hilde didn't care what anyone else thought. She knew who her friends   
were. Nothing else mattered.  
Sally reached over and held Hilde's hand in her bandaged one and   
encompassed her back with the other arm, gently rubbing it and whispering comforting   
words.  
Hilde looked up at Relena as she walked to the podium to deliver her sermon.   
If anyone could make Heero a martyr to the cause, Relena could. For so many years,   
they admired one another so deeply that to see them together was like seeing two   
angels at work. Their intensity for the cause was overwhelming and their love surreal.   
But it was not a realistic love, not a love that could be consummated. So many years   
before they had placed one another on pedestals that neither could reach, so they loved   
one another from afar in the crystal towers that they had built for each other.  
Hilde looked over at Duo as Relena spoke. He was so silent, so cold,   
unreachable. As sermon continued, she see Duo's fists get tighter and tighter to the   
point that the bandages on his hands stained red.  
Relena closed her speech with, "He too was a man of the people like his   
namesake. He loved peace, lived for peace, fought for it, and ultimately died for it. He   
may have been the biological son of Odin Lowe, but he was truly Heero Yuy's son in   
spirit. We will miss you, Heero." Relena shakily moved away from the podium,   
making way for others to speak. To Hilde's surprise and everyone else's, Duo moved   
his wheelchair up the ramp to speak.  
He positioned himself by the podium and Trowa handed the mike down to   
him. Duo cradled it in the maimed arm that was tied across his crest. He took several   
long breaths before he spoke, but it didn't help. His voice still cracked with anger and   
grief.  
"I know that a lot of you hear today think that Heero was a martyr, a legend, a   
hero. Well, I don't care what you think." Trowa stepped forward, but Duo just glared   
at him, daring him to take the microphone away. After a few tense moments, Trowa   
stepped back. Duo turned back to the audience and continued on.  
"To all of you out there, with the exception of one, a hero and an innocent   
child died that day. You can sit there and build all the statues and monuments to them   
that you want, but dammit --," Duo sobbed almost incoherently, "I want my family   
back. I want my Gremlin back so that I can yell at her for waking me up before 10   
o'clock in the morning. I want to play hide and seek with her in the salvage yard while   
her mother isn't looking. I want to swing her around until she cries out "Stop it, Papa!   
I'm getting dizzy!""  
Hilde sat up with a start.  
What was this? What was this! Her mind babbled.  
She hadn't realized that he had care for Eva so much. It had been Heero that   
he had been holding when Sally, Relena, and Wufei rushed to find them. Heero that   
they had to pry Duo's arms loose from. Eva was found under Heero's body. He had   
been trying to protect her. A single blossom of blood lay between her eyes; the   
assassin had wanted no witnesses. Eva's screams drowned out Duo lurching up behind   
the man, but it had been too late to save the little girl. She lay like a broken rag doll on   
the grass. Hilde never realized how much he cared for her. A small hard knot in   
Hilde's stomach loosened, then splintered into pieces. She let out a howl and Duo   
reacted almost as if he had been slapped; the mike shaking. Many moments passed   
before Duo could find his voice again.  
"I miss Heero. I miss him so much. He was my lover and my best friend, and   
someone took him away in the name of justice for the colonies. What sense of justice   
is that? I will never be able to talk to him again. Never be able to watch the Earth rise   
with him again. Never to be able to hear that annoying snore of his keeping me awake   
at 3 o'clock in the morning. I want him here, right now, dammit! I want to hear him   
sigh, smell that cheap cologne that he loved so much, I want to feel his lips on mine. I   
want to, I want to -." The tears ran unnoticed down his cheeks. He simply worked on   
trying to swallow, trying to breath. "I just want to be able to tell him how much I love   
him. Just once more. I'd give anything known to God or man just to have him back   
long enough to tell him that one more time." He fell silent, the microphone nearly   
slipping from his hands. Trowa deftly caught it and placed it back into its mount.  
Hilde looked up and was surprised to see that Trowa was crying too. Stoic   
Trowa, weeping like a child.  
  
  
Hilde muttered a curse as she nearly passed by Duo's settlement. She turned   
the steering wheel over hard and had to overcorrect to keep from wiping out. She   
braked in front of Duo's home without ceremony. Stuffing on her helmet, she climbed   
out. Her helmet whacked against the aircar's door. Hilde merely rolled her eyes.   
There was always something to start off her regret for visiting.  
She moved through the outer airlock and tapped a few buttons on the console.   
The chamber began to pressurize and fill with air. She removed her helmet and inhaled   
deeply. A metallic clink-clink sounded out as she rapped on the lock's inner door.   
After a minute or two, the door opened with a whoosh.  
Hilde coughed as smoke wafted out into the lock. At first, she thought he was   
burning dinner, but then she took another sniff.  
"My God, he really has begun to smoke like a chimney," she said quietly to   
herself. She stepped into the darkly lit room, waiting a few minutes to adjust her sight.   
Over in a corner, a monitor flickered light then dark then light again. She made her   
way over to it and nearly tripped over the overstuffed chair Duo sat half-conscious in.   
The smell of alcohol was almost overpowering as the cigarette smoke.  
Duo shook himself out of his reverie.  
"Oh, hey, hon, how are you doing? Did the door ring? I don't remember   
opening it," Duo replied with a slight slur. He looked back at the monitor and let out a   
small laugh.  
"Odd, I saw that building in black and white, there ain't no color in   
memories." The tape module flicker to the end of a section and then another one   
started up. It was one of Heero, about twenty, riding -riding a Harley? He attempted   
to look like a biker with a ridiculous helmet he wore, goggles that practically covered   
his entire face, and a leather vest. Hilde started giggling at her oniisan. She looked   
down at Duo, who also wore a large grin.  
"I just felt like reminiscing," Duo replied quietly, pointing to the stacks upon   
stacks of modules next to the monitor. Hilde's heart sank a bit. Oh, Duo, she thought,   
you do nothing but reminisce anymore.  
"Come on, sit down here next to me," he replied, gesturing to the small   
section of leather next to him with his deformed arm. Hilde hesitated for a moment,   
then sunk down in the chair with him. Duo puffed on the last of his cigarette and   
pulled out another one, lighting it with the stub before tapping out it against the tray.  
Hilde looked at the monitor. Eva was dancing across the screen to Heero,   
who picked her up and twirled her around. The little girl then ran off screen and ran   
back and flashed up a credit chip proudly over her head. Hilde remembered that. Duo   
had told the girl to do something impressive. She burst out laughing.  
The section flickered to the end and the next scene was one Hilde remembered   
well. She wanted to Eva to know how much her fathers loved one another and how   
normal, how beautiful, it was. Duo caressed Heero's hand and Heero had his arm   
slung over Duo's shoulders. They sat down on the same hill they always had for the   
last eighteen years to see the Earth rise. She watched as Duo placed soft kisses on   
Heero's neck and then crawl into his lap, entwining his arms over Heero's. Heero   
leaned over and whispered words in Duo's ear, giving the lobe a playful bite. Duo   
gave him a passionate kiss, then nipped his nose. Heero plopped a kiss on his   
forehead, then they snuggled in to watch the Earth rise for the next few minutes.  
It was as they were coming down the hill that they discovered her.  
"It's for Eva," she replied quickly. "I want her to have good memories of her   
fathers."  
"Oh," was Heero's only reply. Duo had a mischievous glint in his eye.  
"Well, why only have good memories of her fathers. Why not her mother   
too? Can't her mother have fun too?" And with that, he tossed the cam over to Heero,   
who grabbed and started shooting the scene. Duo swung Hilde off her feet and over his   
shoulder. Hilde let out an involuntary whoop.  
Hilde was laughing so hard watching the monitor, she started crying. She   
glanced over at Duo. He was laughing too as the tears were streaming down his   
cheeks. They both sat there for several minutes laughing and crying after the module   
ended. Duo cracked a joke about how stern Heero was when he met Hilde trying to   
unnerve her. Finally, she got exasperated and stuck her tongue out at him. Duo   
deadpanned Heero's shock to the letter and the remembrance made Hilde laugh so hard   
her sides would split and cry harder than she had in years.  
Duo wiped the tears from his cheek with the back of his hand. He crumbled   
the cigarette stub against the tray and finished the liquor left in his glass.  
"Oh, God," he said with a sigh, then smiled. "I've got to stop drinking."   
Then with a smirk. "I've got to stop thinking." Then serious again, "I've got to stop   
smoking."  
Hilde felt mentally drained at this point. She looked at the time. She   
promised to meet with Quatre in three hours to discuss another salvage yard he was   
recommending she take over in another settlement. She wiped the tears out of her eyes   
and straightened her outfit. She placed a kiss on Duo's cheek.  
"Look, Duo, I need to go. If there's anything I can do for you, let me know,   
ok?" She looked at him. He seemed more like a man approaching his seventies or   
eighties, not his mid forties. Exhausted, the skin yellow over his cheeks. He looked so   
odd in his short hair and stubble. He cut his hair after Heero died, saying that it was   
the one physical thing about him that Heero loved most. He had placed the braid next   
to Heero's urn in the crypt a couple of weeks after the memorial when they placed   
Heero's ashes in their final resting place.  
Even after all these years, he still is raging though the pain, blacker than the   
promises, the tears, and the rain, Hilde thought. Yet his Fire for Heero still burns. Oh,   
Heero, come get him take him away from all this, she prayed silently again.  
Hilde climbed back into the aircar. She hadn't realized it would be the last   
time she would see him.  
She flipped on the radio.  
"The terrorist group Colonies Unite! struck again. This time blowing up   
Preventers Earth headquarters for the colonies based in Singapore. The number of   
dead is unknown. . ." Without thinking, Hilde reached over, switched it off, yanked the   
knob off, and tossed it into the back seat. Wufei. Sally. No, they'll be all right.   
They'll be all right, Hilde reassured herself. A little voice in her mind mocked, maybe   
not today, but tomorrow, or the next day. There's no way to stop it, the wind has   
begun to turn and it all begins again. No, prayed Hilde. Please God, not again, not   
after such peace. Yet, she knew people had grown complacent, had forgotten war,   
pain, and hatred. They were looking at them as if they had never been experienced   
before and that this time, they would make it right. Fools, Hilde thought. All fools.   
She traveled back over the white sands wondering what it would have been like for the   
umpteenth time if Heero and Eva had lived. They were growing old, the pilots and the   
Preventers. Perhaps if Eva had lived, she would have been able to take the hope of   
peace into a next generation.  
"Let it go, Hilde," she whispered to herself. "Let it go. Let them rest. Pick   
up the pieces and move on., but let them rest." She focused on the shining dot dome of   
Lunar City. She would be meeting Quatre in a couple hours and there would be much   
to discuss. She choose to focus on that small gleaming speck for the time being.  
  
  
Duo squashed his last cigarette of the day. His left arm felt numb and it felt as   
if he had a case of heartburn coming on. He lurched forward, moving to get some   
antacid, but it felt as if two hands had reached up and squeezed the air out of his lungs   
and prevented any to get back in. He lay back in the chair. Perhaps he should just rest.   
That's what he really needed, rest. He closed his eyes.  
"Boy, you smell like a distillery that caught fire."  
Who was that? Duo wondered. He opened his eyes but found it hard to focus.   
A shape blurred before him.  
"Who's there?" Duo croaked. The figure leaned over and placed a kiss on   
Duo's forehead. Duo sniffed the air. What was that smell? It had been a few years   
since he had smelled that cheap cologne. The pain in his chest was starting to get   
unbearable.  
"Heero," Duo whispered. The vise around his heart squeezed tighter. "It   
hurts, Heero. Make it stop, please."  
"Don't cry, love. It will be all right. I'm not going anywhere." Duo felt a   
soft breeze across his cheek, the faint, faint touch of a kiss. "Here, I'll make it better   
for you." He saw the figure place a fuzzy hand over his chest. The pain seemed to   
explode in white-hot intensity and then gradually faded away. His eyesight began to   
clear and Heero's face came into focus before him. Heero reached over and kissed him   
on the lips.  
Odd, I can't feel it, Duo thought. I can't smell his cologne anymore either. A   
panic started scrabbling up Duo's throat. For a brief instance, he could smell Heero's   
cologne again and the faint impression of Heero's lips having lain upon his. He looked   
up at Heero in fright.  
"It's all right," Heero said, pulling Duo's braid over his shoulder, caressed   
Duo's cheek with the back of his hand. Duo stared at the braid.  
"I haven't had my braid since you left," he mumbled numbly. He looked up   
at his lover again.  
"Am I - ," Duo started. Heero placed a finger against his lips.  
"It will take some time getting use to, Duo. I'll be here to help you, and so   
will Eva."  
Duo quivered violently. Heero pulled him up and embraced him, comforted   
him.  
"You know that little gremlin has missed you quite a bit."  
Duo grabbed onto Heero as hard as he could, placing all the sorrow and the   
love he had felt for the man for so long. Again he could smell the cologne in the air   
and for a few moments he could feel Heero flesh and muscles flex beneath him as   
hugged him back in that tight embrace.  
"I love you, Heero. I love you. I've missed you so much. I love you," Duo   
said in a rush. He was so deeply afraid this moment would pass and Heero would be   
locked away from him forever.  
"I know," Heero rasped out. Duo loosened his embrace. "Even now, you still   
know how to deliver a rib cracker, Duo." Heero pulled back his lover's face to look at   
his eyes. He placed a light kiss between Duo's brows.  
"How did you know I missed you so?" Duo asked incredulously.  
"What, you didn't think I didn't miss you?" Heero asked with a mocking   
smile. "Actually, there was a prayer that Hilde would say for me and you. An odd   
little prayer, but appropriate. Something like "After the fire, the fire still burns. The   
heart grows older, but never, ever learns. The memories smolder, but the soul always   
yearns. After the fire, the fire still burns."  
Duo buried his face into Heero's neck. "Umm, I like that. It's so true. It's so   
true about how I felt after you were gone. And how I feel now."  
"Come on now. We need to get going. Gremlin is waiting for you and others   
just newly arrived."  
"Can't we stay hear just a little longer? I don't want to share you with anyone   
for just a little bit longer."  
"All right," Heero replied. Duo snuggled closer to him, sensing, rather than   
feeling his warm embrace.  
  
  
After the Fire By Roger Daltrey  
  
(Chorus) After the Fire,  
The fire still burns.  
The Heart grows older,  
But never, ever learns.  
The memories smolder,  
But the soul always yearns.  
After the Fire,  
The fire still Burns.  
  
I hear a voice askin'  
What happens after the Fire?  
And the sound of a breakin' window,  
And the scream of a tire,  
And then the sound of the distant gun,  
And the cry of a hungry child.  
The Night is Hot  
But nothing's going to stop  
This game going wild.  
  
(Chorus)  
  
I saw that building in black and white.  
There ain't no color in memories.  
He rode his brother's Harley across the t.v.  
While I was laughing at the memories.  
Now I'm stocking all my video tapes  
And I'm crying and I'm joking.  
I've got to stop drinkin',  
I've got to stop thinkin',  
I've got to stop smokin'.  
  
(Chorus)  
  
Raging through the Pain  
Blacker than the promises,  
The tears and the rain.  
The fire still burns,  
Till the wind begins to turn,  
And then it all begins again.  
  
(Chorus to fade)  
  
  
  
  
  
Hiya, minna. Gomen that this songfic is so bleak. The more I listened to this song, the   
more I thought of a story about Duo and Heero. Hilde ended becoming sort of the   
outside observer of the relationship. Have a cycle between war and peace came from   
the lyric "Till the wind begins to turn and then it all begins again." Gomen if the very   
end came out sappy also, I wanted a tidy ending. I hope you liked it. Please read and   
review.  



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